5 Areas of Transformation that Will Bring You Greater Fulfillment
We have quickly reached the time of the year when most New Year Resolutions fail. It’s been a whole 2 1/2 weeks of 2024.
Are you on track with the intentions you created for yourself?
I believe we each have a better version of ourself yet undiscovered, and that growth exists as our universal source of purpose.
As so eloquently stated in Shawshank Redemption, get busy living or get busy dying.
The idea of transformation has always intrigued me. Something internal, deep down inside, has always known there is a better version of myself than what I am demonstrating to the world today. It’s been a driving force behind of my be-ing.
Transformation means growth. It means improvement. It represents the endless journey. It’s the boom, boom, boom of the drum that sets the rhythm and pace of life.
It doesn’t mean that anything is particularly wrong with us today, but only that something even better is yet to be discovered.
And ignoring that something creates internal dissatisfaction.
That’s all well and good, but how do you actually tackle it?
Before identifying those, it’s worth noting the importance of integrity. Ultimately, this idea of transformation requires that you first identify within yourself the desire to be show up in a way that’s slightly better than the version of you that went to bed last night.
You have to have the want, but then you also have to have some integrity. You have to be committed. Not to your wife, your co-workers, your kids, or you community.
You have to have some integrity with yourself.
I believe that a life of integrity is the fundamental source of personal worth. I do not agree with the popular success literature that says that self-esteem is primarily a matter of mindset, of attitude — that you can psych yourself into peace of mind. Peace of mind comes when your ice is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way. — Stephen Covey
With that in mind, I’d like to bring John Madsen into the conversation.
John used to be an NFL player and now owns a health and wellbeing coaching program called SupraHuman. During one of his recent podcast episodes (The Show by John Madsen), John identified the five transformations necessary to create your best self. I thought it was a worthy list, so have decided to capture it and share it here, adding my own little spin on his ideas.
Mind
The first transformation, John shares, happens between our ears. Most of us struggle with scarcity, uncertainty, pain, and a sense of unworthiness. It may be periodic. It may be constant.
It may be internally created, or it may be that the world has conspired against you and your just having a run of shitty luck.
Phil Stutz, the therapist celebrated in Jonah Hill’s movie Stutz, suggests life has three simple realities — pain, uncertainty, and constant work.
Tough days are going to happen. Life will be difficult. Some would even say it’s supposed to be hard.
However these realities show up for you, at some point, you’ll likely going to have to travel through them. Not around them. Do not ignore them. Through them. The obstacle is the way. Obstacles make you stronger. Embrace them.
If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. — Marcus Aurelius
To do so successfully, you have to evaluate your mindset.
The mind is where we make the decision to play the game. It’s where we commit to the journey of becoming our best selves. It’s where we transform from hope to faith to knowing. It’s where we first accept that we are worth the effort.
There are endless resources to help you take the first step. Check out any number of podcasts, including The Show by John Madsen, the Ed Mylett Show, or Real AF, or The Order Of Man. There are too many books to name, but a few to consider would be anything by Ryan Holiday, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, Breakthrough Code by Tom McCarthy, Start with Why by Simon Sinek, Atomic Habits by James Clear, Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink, or Take the Stairs by Rory Vaden, Antifragility by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, or Never Finisished by David Goggins. Or, maybe my current favorite, Aréte by Brian Johnson. I’m sure there are 100s more.
Remember, this isn’t mantras and wishful thinking. It’s reflection, intention, and attention. It’s getting clear on what you desire, the outcomes you want to create, identifying the obstacles that may occur. And, then having a plan.
Your success comes when integrity to the process has been added.
You have to do this over and over again. The commitment must become routine and the action unflappable.
Mouth
John next talks about the power of our words. The words we use on and about ourselves. He talks about how we are literally inundated with negativity, but how the worse version of negativity is that which we unconsciously subject ourselves to. How many times a day do you think to yourself, “I’m such an idiot. I suck. I fucked that up. I’ve already blown my diet so…”
Or maybe for you, those thoughts never quite fully materialize into words, but it’s just a feeling. How many mornings do you wake with you hairon fire? How often do you just have an edge or angst in your being? How often do you indiscriminately yell at another car for some small mistake or insensitivity and declare your fellow human to be a fucking imbecile?
Our negativity and the collective negativity that surrounds us demonstrate itself in a thousand ways. Unmanaged, we all subject ourselves to death by a thousand paper cuts. Too many of us walk around and invite the proverbial dark cloud to follow us.
John says that our unconscious mind deletes distorts and generalizes reality. We say don’t way more than we say do. Transformation begins with consciousness. He says that “the things we say out loud don’t describe our reality, it defines it.” The more we give it energy, the more we manifest.
John’s simple solution is “Don’t say stupid shit.” That’s as good of a solution as any.
For me, it’s the reason I started writing. I write to capture positive life lessons. This is inherently a selfish pursuit, but I share them in order to put those positive lessons out in the world, hoping that someone, somewhere may find a nugget that helps them.
Body
John says, “Your body is a direct representation of how you feel about yourself. It’s a direct representation of self-love. It’s a direct representation of self-worthiness. It’s a direct representation you can see of how compassionate you are to yourself. Your body has been gifted to you by your creator and it’s the only body you’re going to have.”
That’s powerful. And I don’t know about you, but it was a kick in the nuts for me.
Arguably, our body is the single area over which we have the most direct control. But for many of us, we abuse it, we’ve ignore it, and we forsake it.
My struggle has lasted years. I’ve probably lost 200 lbs as an adult. Unfortunately, it’s been the same 10 pounds over and over and over again.
I recently surrendered and accepted that I needed help. For me, the necessary action to move this transformation forward was to hire a coach. Prior to doing that, I had tried nearly everything — keto, paleo, CrossFit, marathon running, hours on the stationary bike, 75 Hard, intermittent fasting and a hundred other hacks. If anything, all I accomplished was massive damage to my metabolic system.
Over the past year, I lost over 40 pounds, and I’ve kept it off now for about eight months. I’ve learned that honoring my body begins in the kitchen just as much as the work I do in the gym.
This transformation, for me, has been the most difficult to attain, but I know that in many ways it’s the first domino. It’s the actualization of mind and mouth. I cannot even begin to claim success in transformation when I have a BMI in the high 30s. This was the crucible I had to overcome, and I am on my way.
Most of us tolerate mediocrity in ourselves. And we can never meet that best version of ourselves if we fail to attack the one area most within our control.
If you haven’t started, stop waiting. If you started and stopped, stop stopping. If you feel you just can’t win, seek help.
You can do this.
Environment
After you change your head, after you change your mouth, after you change your body — or while you do those three things — it’s time to consider your environment.
John shares an analogy originally written and shared by author John Gordon of the egg, the carrot, and the coffee bean. When you drop the egg in boiling water, it becomes hard. When you drop the carrot into the boiling water, it becomes soft. But when you drop the coffee bean in the boiling water, it transforms the water.
There’s no award for suffering. You get to choose your environment. Some of that is easy. Begin by looking at with whom and where you spend your idle time.
In 2022, the average daily time spent on social media by U.S. users averaged to 65 minutes each day. Americans on average watch over five hours of television daily.
You may not consider that idle time a part of your environment, but all of it counts.
Any place you spent time that fails to inspire you is compounding the impacts of the environment on your well-being and pursuit of your best self.
You might be the coffee bean. You may be the water. Regardless, how you spend your time and who you spend your time with matter. And next to your body, this may be the area over which you have the most control.
Heart
The heart is where your purpose comes from. It’s where your fulfillment comes from. It’s where your spirituality lives.
Purpose can be elusive. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on us today to “do what we love” or to live our “soul purpose.”
As I’ve gone through my own journey, which is far from complete, a couple of truths have revealed themselves.
The first is that my purpose, put simply, is to expand. Growth, in and of itself, creates fulfillment. Reading. Exercising. Meditation. Prayer. Taking a knee daily. Seeking inner peace. Going through not around. Being in integrity with myself. Those are all part of the process of expansion.
The second act of purpose for me is to be a creator not a taker. Every day, I try to put good energy into the world. I try to survive joyfully and share that joy in some small act of kindness every day. Some days I fail, but most I think I do ok. And for now, that’s enough for me.
It doesn’t have to be some grandiose act of service. But it is probably rooted in love, appreciation, honor, respect, and kindness. It’s foundational to most spiritual paths and religions.
A quick Google search of Christian principles provides a list that includes loving God, loving your neighbor as yourself, forgiving others who have wronged you, loving your enemies, and asking for forgiveness of your sins.
The Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism includes right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.
You get my point.
Be a giver not a taker. Contribute to the well-being of others and be kind. Be your best self in all of your interactions with others and somewhere in there you will honor the transformation of the heart.
This entire conversation falls under the description of “simple, not easy.”
It takes work. It takes effort. It takes conviction. It takes a beginning.
If you haven’t begun, start. If you’ve taken the first step, continue.
You, and I, are worth the effort, and the world will be a better place for having tried.