For the Love of Boredom...
The love of boredom, not passion or purpose, truly sets you apart.
Earlier this morning, I was reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. He introduced something he called the “Goldilocks Rule,” which was essentially the idea that when building a habit you need to challenge yourself at the right level.
If for example, you are learning to play tennis, competing against a 4-year-old would lead to boredom, but competing against Roger Federer would lead to failure. The best way to stay challenged is to learn with or compete against someone at or slightly above your level so that you have the necessary dose of dopamine to keep challenging yourself.
But after you’ve established the habit, after you’ve become relatively competent at something, it can be increasingly difficult and exhausting to seek the next level, to always push yourself forward.
“The greatest threat to succes is not failure but boredom. We get bored with habits because they stop delighting us. The outcome becomes expected. And as our habits become ordinary, we start derailing our progress to seek novelty. Perhaps this is why we get caught up in a never-ending cycle, jumping from one workut to the next, one diet to the next, one business idea to the next. As soon as we experience the slightest dip in motivation, we begin to seek a new strategy - even if the old one was still working. As machiavelli noted, ‘Men desire novelty to such an extent that those who are doing well wish for a change as much as those who are doing badly.” - James Clear
I see how boredom has gotten the better of me, and I’m guessing it has gotten the better of you too. Over time, and with a fair amount of coaching and accountability, I have learned to love the consistent boom-boom-boom of the boredom drum. But not always, and not to the consistency I desire.
The availability of novelty exists everywhere, more than at any time in history. We have everything either at our fingertips or a short hop-skip-and-jump away, from television shows, dating apps, games, porn, cat videos, pot shops, and liquor stores. You can seek novelty constantly, and I suspect far too many of us take advantage of that convenience.
I would go so far as to suggest the constant accessibility to novelty has driven our society to obesity, laziness, polarization, and apathy. And the restrictions from quarantine to mask mandates have only accelerated the desire for external novelty because let’s face it, life the last couple of years hasn’t been all that exciting for most of us.
So this isn’t so much a rant about creating positive habits. There are numerous authors far more eloquent on that subject than I am. Check out JamesClear.com, for one, if you want to go down that rabbit hole.
But it is a rant about overcoming our own self-created inertia, or maybe it’s our self-created busyness.
Unless you believe in reincarnation (if you’re undecided, check out Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, it makes a pretty compelling argument in support), you get one ride on this spinning orb. I believe our job is to use it to become the best version of ourselves.
Ed Mylett likes to talk about his belief that at the end of his life, he will have the chance to shake hands with the best version of himself. The version that could have been. His job on Earth is to assure that man and the man that walks through the pearly gates are one and the same.
So what are you doing about it? That’s really the question. Are you chasing novelty or are you comfortable with a healthy dose of boredom?
Reading for 10 minutes a day can be boring, or it can be a gateway to peace and expansion. Moving your body and stretching every day can be boring, or it can be an investment in the future you when gravity has had more time to work its wonders. Journaling or meditating daily could be boring, but it can also be a gateway to inner peace and clarity that allows you to show up with presence, a quiet mind, and enables you to be a better listener, friend, and partner.
I’m not suggesting we ignore novelty. It’s equally important. I have adopted Eleanor Rosevelt’s philosophy on life, which states “The purpose of life is to live it. To taste experience to the utmost. To reach eagerly and without fear for new and richer experiences.”
Novelty can certainly provide that, but so can the long-term benefits of boredom. We have to have both. But novelty should be the kind that is intentional, experiential, and filled with beauty and wonderment, not the kind that a smoker gets from a quick hit on his vape pen.
I used to repeat the mantra to all my friends that I was a “work hard, play hard” kind of guy. And while I still like that, I think now it’s more of I’m a “boredom then novelty” kind of guy.
Or at least that’s what I strive to be.
Either way, the boredom and the work hard are the cake. The play-hard and the novelty are the icings.
I think we could all do a little better at making sure we do both, and in that order.
Too often, I start seeking novelty before the boredom is done. I start thumbing through Instagram or playing a game on my phone. I have to do better.
And you probably do too. Whether we like it or not, whether it provides the necessary dopamine hits or not, the AND not the OR is the path to our best selves.
So go do something boring. You’ll thank yourself later. And when you’re done, go do something experiential, but instead of re-treating to your phone, go have a conversaton around the fire pit, play a game of cornhole, go play putt-putt with your partner or poker with your friends. Get out of your ordinary so you can be extraordinary.
Lastly, for those of you who have mastered the boring, don’t do so much of it you render yourself a boring person. Remember, you only get a ride in this corporal body once before you move on to what’s next, whatever you believe that may be. Make sure you have a little fun while you are here.