How to Keep FOMO and FOPO from FUBARing Your Results
That’s a whole lot of acronyms. Let’s break it down.
Do you ever feel yourself being sucked into the vortex of another person’s energy, knowing the whole time that this probably isn’t the best decision?
Do you hear the virtuous little voice on your shoulder telling you it would be far more beneficial to go to bed? Or do you only hear the naughty little voice telling you “it might be fun?”
A couple of weeks ago, I got to watch this play out — both in myself and others — while attending a three-day work offsite planning event.
Fortunately, I work with a great group of people and we genuinely enjoy each other. We don’t have a chance to come together often, so when we do, it’s often difficult to know when to call it a day.
But the joy available in those connections can also ruin your energy.
Energy, of course, is not only the foundation of the Big 3 Keys to Flourishing, but the accelerator. It alone has the ability to create exponential outcomes in our work.
So that naughty little voice is not your friend.
FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out, is it’s siren song.
As the night wore on, I could feel the lure of that naughty voice becoming more insistent, but my virtuous voice was not giving up.
While that virtuous voice eventually won, and I avoided the dreaded land of regret, many of my associates were not so fortunate.
While FOMO could push you to experience something new and exciting, too often its true nature is rooted in something far more insidious.
FOPO.
Admittedly, FOPO has only recently been added to my vocabulary. I learned about it from Michael Gervais after his appearance on The Reinvention Project podcast with host Jim Rome.
FOPO stand for Fear of Other People’s Opinions.
It likes to masquerade itself as FOMO, but it’s much darker, deceptive, and destructive.
FOPO empowers others to throw us off our game. It’s when we make unaligned decisions because of extrinsic pressure. It may be the need to please, avoidance of disappointing, or the curse of J. Alfred Prufrock, who famously asked himself “do I dare disturb the universe?”
FOPO so often causes us to wonder — do I speak up? Can I skip this event? Will their feelings be hurt if I say no? What do I wear? Why was I not invited? Will I be judged…?
FOPO destroys your soul.
It robs you of authenticity.
It deprives you of freedom.
It smothers your divine uniqueness.
It makes you fragile.
FOPO mars your days, your weeks, your months, until you realize all of your dreams are FUBAR.
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
So what are you to do?
When you come to that realization that your Dr. Jeckyll FOMO is actually Mr. Hyde FOPO? What the hell are you to do?
Brian Johnson with Heroic (check out heroic.us for some pure excellence) would tell you to become antifragile.
The Secret to Becoming Antifragile
People often make the mistake of believing that the opposite of fragility is resiliency. Brian argues (effectively) that the opposite of fragility is actually antifragility.
Fragility means you keep getting punched in the face until you eventually say fuck it and go hide under the bed, effectively ruining any chance you could have had to flourish.
Fragility causes you to simply give up.
The next time you are afraid of some supposedly disastrous outcome, remember that if you don’t control your impulses, if you lose your self-control, you may e the very sour of the disaster you so fear. — Ryan Holiday in the Daily Stoic.
The next level is resiliency. Resiliency is admirable. If you can attain no level higher than being resilient, than you are likely still doing very well. You are living a good life, and putting in a good fight.
But resiliency is not the end all be all. Resiliency is like Rocky Balboa. No matter how many blows to the face you absorb, you just keep trudging forward. You don’t give up, but you never really learn to bob or weave either. Unfortunately, even the most resilient will eventually tire to the never ending beat down.
You can be fragile and break easily. You can be resilient and withstand more stress before breaking down (and then bouncing back a little than most.) Or, You can be the opposite of fragile. — Brian Johnson in Areté
To truly become the creator of your best self, you have to learn about and embrace the path of anti fragility.
Antifragility means growth. It means you may still get punched, but each jab and body blow teaches you to become a more powerful fighter.
Antifragility is born in the knowledge that obstacles make us stronger.
That strong wind will extinguish a candle, but it will fuel a fire — Nassar Taleb in Antifragile
Ultimately, the path to Antifragility is found in the development of self confidence. Confidence comes from the Latin words con and fidere. It literally means “with intense trust.”
It’s the opposite of FOPO. It generates in the knowing that you were divinely created. That God made no accidents.
We need to cultivate an intense trust in ourselves such that it doesn’t matter what happens [or what other people think] because we know that we are the type of people who can do what needs to get done whether we feel like it or not. We need to intensely trust ourselves, such that we can not only handle whatever life throws at us but we can get stronger as a result. — Brian Johnson in Areté
To find that trust, that Antifragility, the simple path is to always follow your protocol. What is the one thing you have the most control over?
Is it when you will wake each morning? Is it getting in a walk or a workout? Is it reading the Bible or a good book? Where do you find your energy?
The antifragile keep returning to that well, especially in the moments when they feel least like doing it.
They know that when they find their energy, and they drink from that well, they will show up in work and love.
So what is that thing for you? What is that daily habit that you know will help you feel great about yourself, but you just don’t consistently give that gift to yourself?
What would life look life if you just started doing that one thing?
Start there.
I know a lot of people with FOMO also embrace YOLO.
But if you truly believe You Only Live Once, do it your way. Life an extraordinary life by beating to your own life.
If you haven’t been consistent, if you’ve lacked intense trust, it’s never too late to start.
Do that one thing today.
Tune out the noise.
Trust yourself.
And make it happen.
Not tomorrow, but…
TODAY.