What Are The Red Threads That Bring You Joy?
Do more of what you like, and less of what you loathe
“Never blame someone else for the road you’re on. That’s your own asphalt.”
Unknown
Balance.
This one word has created so many issues for each of us. This one word has been the source of guilt, shame, failure, self-judgment, and just a general sense of fucking-it-up-ness for most of my adult life. It’s made me at times feel like a failure as a father and a husband on one hand, and a failure as an employee, co-worker, and producer on another.
Fuck balance.
Balance is rooted in the idea that work is bad and life is good and we have to offset the demands of the bad by living the life of the good. But that doesn’t always apply. Sometimes life sucks ass, and sometimes work is the source of great energy and reward.
And that’s the key. To pursue that which gives us energy and reward.
In Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall’s book titled ”The Nine Lies About Work,” they identify lie number eight that Work-Life Balance Matters Most. Within the chapter that explains this lie, they go in-depth as to why this idea of Work-Life Balance is bullshit. And they share something profound, what we should strive for is '“love in work” instead of work-life balance.
The reality is we all have stuff we are good at. We all have stuff that feeds our souls. We all have stuff that gives us strength. We all have stuff that fills our cups.
Love in work happens when we spend time throughout our day pursuing and leveraging this stuff.
It’s not realistic to think it’s going to happen all the time. There’s always going to be a preponderance of the other stuff. The other stuff is the stuff that sucks the life force of us. For me, email would be an example of that. Email, I’m convinced, is the creation of the Devil. If I could track down the sommabitch that created email, I would open a can of whoop-ass upon him (or her). But I digress….
Buckingham and Goodall recommend (and I recommend too) that you spend two weeks a year carrying a yellow pad around with you. Down the middle of the yellow pad, draw a vertical line. On the top left, write “LOVE IT.” And on the top right, write ”LOATHE IT.” As you go through your week, jot down the activities that you love, and those that you loathe.
The love-it activities are the ones that fill your cup. They give you inner peace, joy, energy, and calmness. The authors suggest you think of these activities as you “rred threads.”
”Your work is made up of many activities, many threads, but some of them feels as though the’re made of a particularly powerful material. These red threads are the activities you love, and your challenge is to pinpoint them so you can ensure that, next week, you’ll be able to recreate them, refine them, and add to them. You are weaving red threads into the fabric of your work, one day at a time. Now, you do not have to end up with an entirely red quilt… but, when you can deliberately weave your red threads through the fabric of your work. You’ll feel stronger, perform better, and bounce back faster.”
I would suggest you take this red thread concept one step further – Don’t stop at work. Find those activities both at home and at work that are made from that particularly powerful material.
Then, do more of that.
Lastly, as you look at that LOATHE IT list, that’s the stuff you need to stop doing, or at least try to minimize.
But here’s the hard part, some of that crap on the LOATHE IT list will cause you a dilemma. Some of that crap is stuff you are supposed to do.”
Like, balance.
Our society has a lot of opinions. And some of those opinions are expressed loudly. The more time you spend on social media, or maybe with your mom, or maybe your teenage kids, or maybe your spouse (you get the point), the more those opinions will be shared with you.
But guess what? You and you alone get to decide what you LIKE and what you LOATHE. You and you alone get to decide which threads are frayed and which threads are vibrantly red.
You and you alone get to decide what fills your own cup.
Buckingham and Goodall summed it up well when they said:
“Watch for your read threads. Take them seriously. They are light, they are strong, they are true, and they are yours. And when you feel run down, or burned out, or at risk, or that everything is coming apart at the seams, cling to them tightly. They will hold fast until you have the strength to begin weaving something new. The new thing you make, this new idea, or project, or job, or relationship, or life, will not necessarily be balanced as others see it. It will not necessarily be a life that others would have made or would even approve of. Nor will it necessarily be easy. But it will be yours. It will be crafted from sources of strength felt only by you, and so it will be strong. It will flourish. It will not wither, and neither will you.”
Pay attention to your red threads. Pay attention to yourself.
And remember always, no one else is coming to save you.